Thursday, May 29, 2008


I can only pray this will make sense.

At this moment, I am in my house. My house. I know where everything is. I live and dwell here. It is the physcial, geographic place on earth where I am most comfortable. I know that I don't belong. And God doesn't want me to get comfortable. He wants me dwelling outside of my comfort zone. He wants me to stretch. I know this because He is telling me. I can't hear Him, but I sense Him. And I am supposed to obey.

But if there is a path in front of me, I do not see it. So, I am going to talk through it here, and see where it leads me.

I spend my days thinking about the future of my children and the future of my business. They go hand in hand. God is telling me that who I am today is more important than who I was yesterday and who I will be tomorrow, because tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

I focus on who I do not want to be. I do not want to lack compassion. I do not want to stop the process of my progress. I do not want to be limited. I do not want to want. I do NOT want to WANT. He is showing me that the only way to continually progress is through seeking Him. The only way to not be limited is to seek Him first. The only way I'll ever stop wanting anything, is to simply be with Him and let Him be with me, because He is everything.

I am supposed to raise my children to be men of God. I am supposed to love and be there for my friends, neighbors, church, strangers, etc. I am supposed to be a steward of His love...and I can only do this if I will place myself in other people's pain and grief, other people's fears, and other people's hopes. I am supposed to work hard and to serve God in it all, but I am not supposed to focus so much on my work that everything else is blurred. He'd rather me store up treasure in Heaven (by doing good works and sharing His love) than to store up wealth here on earth. I am still supposed to give even when I don't have. I'm supposed to love even when I'm not feeling it.

I'm not doing enough. I'm not stretched. There IS a shift. I recognize that a house is not a home, but that family is home. I recognize that granite is not going to change my life, a luxury european auto is not going to make me better or more important. The number of invitations I receive and the number of comments on my blog is neither impressive nor relevant. All the good deeds I could do mean nothing if my focus is not on Jesus. Going to church every Sunday does not make me a better Christian....or even a Christian at all. I do not need to defend myself. Loving good people is easy......loving difficult people is necessary. Forgiving others is a reward to myself. Manicures and pedicures are a stupid waste of money. Gossip celeb magazines are poison to the soul and spirit. Jealousy is sin. Greed is sin. Pride is sin. If I do not seek God first everyday, life will be a tangled web. If I use my gifts for God's glory instead of my own, God will be glorified and I will not care that I am not. If I talk to God, praise Him, love Him and serve Him, He will listen and He will open my eyes to what he has for me.

I'm not stretched today. I'm supposed to be reaching for someone or some thing. I am supposed to take on something new. My prayer is that God will open my eyes to see what it is.


Monica said...

I just might read this entry everyday for a while. Very insightful. Oh and I loved the boys pics from memorial day :)

Holly Black said...

Hi! Just in from our 9 day trip to Disney and catching up on my FAVORITE blogs. I was saying AMEN and AMEN to everthing in this post. Then I got to the mani pedicure comment and laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair! Have to disagree on this one. You haven't seen my toes! :)