Monday, June 8, 2009

Mean Girls

I'll be honest. I don't understand a lot of women. But I am trying. More specifically, I am trying to have compassion for women who are cold and calculated...because my assumption is that a person with that frigid of a heart, must be desperately lonely, insecure, and lost on the inside.

I am so fortunate to have strong and loving women in my life who's deepest desire is to serve God and to even honor Him in their relationships. I have friends who LOVE me, SERVE me, ENCOURAGE me, and who simply let me be me. I wish that I could say that I have known this kind of friendship my whole life, but the truth is, I haven't. Only in the past few years has this become true for me. What these women and I have in common (even if nothing else) is our love for God. By loving Him, we are able to love each other the right way. Between my bible study group of women and some other precious sisters I have made in Christ, my heart overflows. I am more than fulfilled. I am rich.

I wouldn't trade these women for any amount of money. Money is an earthly thing, but their hearts are of the spirit. I wouldn't rather have a castle or a yacht, because those things also cannot come with me to Heaven, but my sisters will.

There is an "old friend" in my world who has betrayed me many times. In my younger years, I made excuses for her and even defended her to others. I mistook our relationship for something of substance and permanence. It was neither. Today, she is barely a casual acquaintence. I don't love her, but my spirit continually urges me to reach out to her. I do, occasionally. I offer random bits of support and encouragement even though I usually do not know what is going on in her life. A couple of years ago, when her 3rd marriage was failing, she needed emotional support and prayer and I gave that to her. Whatever little I gave to her, it was from my heart. It was genuine. It just wasn't really from me....but more an act of obedience on my part to serve her in my love for Jesus, because I was able.

Her life bounced back quickly. Our correspondence is very minimal. This is what I have noticed...

~ when i shared with her that i was traveling to Africa alone to love on orphans, she offered no support, encouragement or well wishes
~ when I shared that i would be traveling to the Dominican Republic on another mission trip, i got the same lack of any response
~ when I shared with her that my son was having open-heart surgery....nothing

~ she sent me an email to let me know that one of my ex-boyfriends had contacted her
~ she sent me one email stating that her divorce was final and that she would be take care of for life, financially
~ she sent me another email to tell me she remarried
~ she sent me an email to tell me she had purchased a new home and that her other home was on the market

I knew she was trying to get under my skin when she shared with me than one of my old boyfriends was contacting her. But what she doesn't understand is that she cannot get under my skin with Christ in my spirit.

She wanted me to be envious of her financial fortune, but what she doesn't understand is that I know how she got to her fortune. It involved deceit and lies. There is nothing about that which I envy. As a trust administrator and an estate manager (in previous years)....I have seen how ugly money can be. I want my fortune to come from the Kingdom of God. For now, I'll work hard for my wages and I'll be grateful for my blessings. I'm not in a competition.

She wanted me to know she would be getting married to another man so that I could be impressed with her record timing. Personally, I enjoyed being a single mom for 11 years. I'm glad that she doesn't have to be, but I consider my years as a single-mother to be the most incredible, character building and faith building, years of my life.

She wanted me to know that she had purchased a home and selling the other, because she wanted me to know that I am not her Realtor. What she doesn't understand, is that after years and years of being stabbed in the back by her, multiple ways...that there is no penny I ever want to earn as a result of her. I never expected to be her realtor nor did I ever desire to. If she were a good friend and genuinely cared about me, that would be different.

All of this bothers me for 1 reason. She projects exactly zero love and concern for me or my family, and she goes out of her way to try and hurt me. I can live without her love, but it concerns me that her heart is so cold when mine has not been. I can be happy for her successes but it concerns me that she would go out of her way to only share things that she assumes must upset me. I believe she is living with an incredibly dark heart, and that makes me sad for her. It makes me sad for her daughters. Her value is in her possessions, her status and her achievements..which were all on the shoulders of someone else. It's like watching someone spiraling down into the darkest of holes.

I shared this with a dear friend of mine a couple of nights ago because I just could not get my mind around it. Why be mean? Why try and hurt me? What have I ever done to draw out the ugliest side of her? My friend said that it is envy. Maybe she envies my heart. Maybe she envies my friendships or my family. Maybe she envies my joy or my peace. I have no idea what it is, or if it is any of those things. But I guess it makes sense. She has money, but I have everything else.

She cannot take my joy. She cannot take my family or my friends. She cannot take my heart and honestly, she cannot even hurt it. She cannot take my faith, my hope, my future in Heaven. If she is envious, then that is a power over her that I do not want. If she has hate for me, then I would rather her find a place of healing and live without a grudge. If she is lost and living in darkness, then I pray that the God of the universe will seek her heart and transform it. If she is a Christian, then I hope that her pride is overcome with mercy and grace. I know that I have offered her the grace and mercy that God has feely given me, and it has been of no value to her. Sad.

I'm so thankful that the power of God is more than enough to protect my heart. If there is a woman in your life, whether friend, family, or co-worker, who works hard to tear you down.... please claim the power you have in Christ and seek the heart of forgiveness so that you can move on and not be wounded in your spirit. If you are a woman is who wounding another.... please seek grace and mercy in your life that is only available through the spirit....and seek the power to forgive another and to forgive yourself so that you can grow, blossom and spread the love of God. Don't let the devil have your heart. Don't let pride ruin your spirit. We are here to LOVE, SERVE, and ENCOURAGE each other in spirit. If you can't do that.... pray about it.

I have a heart for hurting women. I can't reach out to this one because it doesn't work, but I am committing now to pray for her as often as I can. I don't want to dislike her or hurt her. I want to be able to love her from a distance without being her target. I will do my best.

My request is that you pray for her. Obviously I'm not giving you her name.... but you can name her whatever you want and seek God in what to pray. And for me, I would be honored if you would lift me up to the Lord for Him to sustain my hope and joy and peace. Only He has the power to knock down the evil that creeps up around us.

Thanks for reading this ridiculously long post. I needed to commit to it. I'm hoping it is helpful to someone, anyone.



Sarah said...

I will pray for you both. I agree that this girl's behavior probably indicates severe pain and insecurity. She's lucky (though she doesn't realize it) that God has prompted you to love her.

Melissa said...

I will pray for her. and for you, as well.

I see such grace and love come out of you time and time again. Anything I say here will not come out with the eloquence in which I feel it in my heart---you amaze me time and again. Jesus pours out of your life, my friend.

I love that you can see beyond the actions to the heart, knowing that something is blocking her from receiving what you're extending to her.

I'm so glad your assurance is not in her response to you, nor can your committment to Christ be weakened by her coldness toward you.

but it's still hard, I imagine....
love to you.