Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Ahhhhhh Finally

My oldest son (19) and I had a painful parting of ways a couple of weeks ago. We didn't agree. We argued. We hurt each others feelings. I have never asked him to go and stay with his Dad, but I did on that day. 2-3 weeks later, I haven't seen him. It has been so hard. So hard. So hard. So hard. That is my baby and I miss him so much it hurts.

Day 1 sucked. It sucked hard.
Day 2 was hell and I puked.
By about day 4 we were having decent chats on the phone and simple texts void of anger. By week 2, he was back to telling me he loves me and misses me (oh me too me too). By the beginning of week 3, he had his first ever fender bender, and he called me. HE called ME! And by today....he sends me a text message that I didn't initiate. Right now, I feel like I have my son back, even though I haven't seen him. (Praise you Lord)

His first year of college didn't go quite the way he assumed it would. Next year is not going to go the way he thought it would (we already know). There has been change. There has been failure (the kind that grows character). There have been disappointments. There has been the diagnosis of a sleep disorder and struggle associated with trying to correct it. There has been depression. There has been pain. Now there is distance. I miss him. I just love him and want him near me.

Spencer is going back to Belmont this next semester. He will either live at home with me or at his Dad's house (oh pick me pick me).... but either way, he will be well. We will survive. I may never get the apology I was hoping for......but I've put on my big girl britches and I'm going to love him through the tough times. He's my first precious sweetheart, and he is a good kid. He is coming over on Sunday to babysit his brothers and I cannot wait to see him. He is amazing and beautiful and funny and dear. He is joy to me, even amidst the gunk. My sweet.

In this pic, Asher is hugging Spencer and Dana. Spencer is a sweet big brother.

Spencer doesn't like this pic, but I love it. He's feeling a little cornered by the camera...but a momma's gotta do what a momma's gotta do....


Pete Wilson said...

I'm glad I have another 12 years to prepare for this season of life.

Melissa Irwin said...

Pete (and everyone)....I don't know if any number of years can prepare us for watching our kids make mistakes, struggle, hurt and pull out the driveway for who knows how long. But you and Brandi are fantastic parents and you already know that love is the foundation and Christ is the center. It's really the only way to do life.

Melissa said...

Before I had kids I thought that parenting lasted 18 years. Now I know better. I cannot imagine how a mother's heart feels when she sees her child making potentially life changing mistakes and can only watch from the sidelines and pray. I've been praying for you and your son since I read this post yesterday!

OCDISM said...

Oh Melissa...my heart TOTALLY goes out to you on this sensitive subject..we have one 18 year old bonus-son and my oh my have we went through it with him (still not over)and now I have my 15 year old daughter and I have to say, she hates me. I pray pray pray pray pray all day day day day day...(that was pretty cute, hu!?) but nothing prepares you for the teen years. This season in my life is filled with much anxiety....I'll be praying for you! PS: Kyla thinks Spencer is HILARIOUS!! and I remember him doing some acting in church a few years ago and I must agree!!! :)