Wednesday, August 13, 2008

a box with wheels

I confess, I am a car person. If you have to ask what a car person is, then likely you are not one. But I'll explain....a car person is one who is physically attracted to an auto, either for its shape and design, or possibly for its power, and probably mostly for what it might symbolize (eh hemm...maybe wealth?) If you are simply drawn to practicality, effeciency, economics, etc, then you are not a car are a sensible person, and I congratulate you.

My draw is not that of all three. I care little about the power of a car. What is torque? I don't care how quickly it may go from 0 - 60, but I do notice design. I am not interested in owning a car that my symbolize wealth, prestige or power. For me it is all about design. I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. Some of my attractions are toward expensive vehicles and some of them are surprisingly simple. Why does my eye like what it likes? And why would I think owning any particular box rolling on wheels would make my life any better, or even sillier, increase my position in any way? I want so desperately to see a car for what it is. It is transporation. It needs to have some quality safety features and it needs to get me where I need to go, and it needs to not cost me a fortune in maintenance. That's it! Well, maybe it needs to be comfortable for my clients, because they do spend a lot of time in my car, but just basic comforts, not ridiculous comfort!

For over a year now, I have been feeling God's calling in my family's life for simplicity. He is showing me that the more simlply we live in this world, the more extravagantly we can live for HIS purpose. I have fought this theology. I want what I want, and is that so wrong? We don't live extravagantly to begin with, but I have had a deep desire to live extravagantly. My heart has been all wrong. My selfish and materialstic wants have drastically gotten in the way of even enjoying some of the basics. It's just a truth I have to confess. I'm not as responsible as I should be. And I'm certainly not self-less.

I'd rather be complimented on my heart rather than on my car. I'd rather be remembered for my spirit than for my social status or position. I'd rather be identified with Jesus than to be identified with this world.

For the past week I've been driving a rental car since my real car was crashed and smashed up in an accident. This little car has no leather, has only 1 cd slot, no heated seats, doesn't sit up high, has no sun roof, and its shape and color blend into every other car and i cannot find it in a parking lot. It's just not a cool car. It isn't noticable. It isn't sexy. I'm not attracted to it. But it gets me to where I want to go...and as ridiculous as it might sound....I've been affected by this. It's just a box on wheels. It serves it purpose. And in some small way, it has opened my eyes.

There are many material things I would like to have....many of those things I've never purchased. Some of them I could have purchased and some of them are just out of my financial league. I have always wanted more. I have never ever caught up to where I have wanted to be. I am always behind my desires and my goals....always. I never get the material prize. Never. There is a simple solution. Stop wanting. Just stop wanting. Could that be the cure?

The more I pray, the more I study the Bible, and the more I grow in deep personal relationship with Christ, the more I want to stop wanting. Giving up wants isn't a cold turkey kind of a deal. It feels like a painful and exhausting practice. It feels like I'm being sifted. It feels like I'm being molded, literally bent into shapes and positions that are not natural for me. Sometimes it feels like a lie. Sometimes it feels oddly true. When I stop wanting, I'll be simpler and I'll be more useful. I look forward to that.

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