Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
I have several...way too many friends, going through divorce. There is pain in the air.
One of my dear friends is trying to love on her family with all of her might, and they just keep stabbing her (metaphorically, of course). An actual flesh wound, might hurt less.
I keep studying and studying the scriptures, and just as is true of the way and word of Jesus....He encourages us to persevere through all of these trials. And to love people.
I had an online chat with my sweet friend, Sue, in Zimbabwe about me going to serve again, either in October or November. I am on pins and needles. I need to raise so much more money, but I have received a little more than 1/3 in pledges so far and am just blown over with gratitude for the loving and generous "senders" in my life.
This is Asher's last week at his precious school. This makes my heart want to crack in half. He seems to be taking it pretty well........ while I am tormented. We just do not have the budget to keep him there. We're hoping he'll get to go into public pre-school.....but we are STILL waiting to find out. If not.... Asher will be having special adventures with me until he starts Kindergarten next August, 2010.
In other news....Asher got to meet some "real life" football players last week at his school. They came from one of the local private highschools. He has been in football heaven ever since then. He is only willing to wear his football socks, and one of his 3 football themed shirts. It's a bit dramatic, over-the-top obnoxious and annoying.... but it is still very cute. I see his precious face as he is looking through his closet to find something that would make one of the "real life" football players proud. His face crumples a little when he realizes that he does not have a football heavy wardrobe. I sense that he is already feeling the pressure of impressing others.....and for a 4 1/2 year old to be feeling this way....and acting it out.....is devastating. We're not keeping up with the Joneses, and I was hoping he wouldn't notice. Love just has to overcome. We just have to be rich in love.
Shawn's words are increasing. He can say "cow". And finally.....finally praise be to God, Shawn can say "momma". He can say "cheese".....well, sorta.....it sounds like "tease". His classroom is called "busy bees" and Shawn can say "bees". He can say "hi da" which means, "hi daddy". He can say "nigh nigh" for night night. It is all so beautiful and remarkable.
And speaking of words....here's a word that is resting in me this morning:
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I am praying this not only for myself, but mostly for all of you...whoever you all are.....that the peace of God will literally consume your hearts and your minds, and that you will be content regardless of the circumstances you face. I am praising God today for peace. Not the idea of peace, but real peace.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I am not sure how much lake water Shawn consumed while Asher was conservatively crusing the beach and sinking his toes into the sand. And it remains to be seen if Shawn's stomach will need to be pumped at the hospital later....and yes, I'm a little worried about his diapers later.... but mostly, it was a blessed SPLASH. Except for when I looked up and saw Asher doing....this...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
And really, how does a mommy cope with the new normal and face a heightened reality of unknowns without indulging in some rich breads and home-baked sweets, anyway? Sure, there was a brief stint with Zoloft which did ultimately help me fight my desires to do dangerous stunts without a stunt-double, or a harness. But what about my thighs? My poor thighs have really been neglected in all of this.
Oh, if only I could get back into a routine of doing walking-lunges, weight-training and cardio.
I'm trying to get my mind into that place. My thighs are already there....and my mind is a little behind. And speaking of "little behinds"...... yea, that would be nice too.
Monday, July 20, 2009
The weather here in Nashville has been amazingly comfortable over the past few days. I heard it was a Canadian air mass that moved in.... and let's just say, I'm loving me some Canadian air right about now. The boys are thankful too cuz it's difficult to get momma to go outside in the heat.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Shawn got close to the entertainer, Conductor Jack. The ground was sloped and he had a little trouble keeping his balance, so this excursion quickly turned into him sitting firmly in my lap.
Here is proof that daddy was there, and that Asher sweats like his momma....
All that sweat deserves a little ice cream. We went to Baskin Robbins where I failed to bring in my camera (dangit!)... but Shawn sat on top of a table, and ate a scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cone, all by himself. I didn't catch him in action, but I did capture the aftermath....after he wiped off his own face...
His shirt says "Born To Be Cute" and I give a roaring loud AMEN to that!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
He is working all day today and I'm getting ready to show some houses, and then later Asher and I have a special project to work on before Daddy gets home. It could be magnificent or it could be a total disaster....as projects with 4-year-olds often are. We shall see.
Hoping to have photos to post later.
Happy Birthday to my honey.
Friday, July 10, 2009
If pain were on a shelf in your pantry, it would be crammed in, stocked high and low. And it never runs out. And until Kingdom comes, it never will.
The Bible says we are to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who are filled with joy. That might sound like poetry, and the idea sounds good.... but this is real. I took this idea of mourning with those who mourn, to heart, many months ago. I was reading a blog of a woman I do not know, and she was sharing some deeply painful experiences going on in the lives around her...and she asked that if any of the readers were willing to share in the grief so that this family could have some of it lifted off of their spirits...to please ask for that grief to be shifted. As crazy as it might sound.....I knew right then I was supposed to take some of that grief. This was for a family I did not know and for a siutation in which I had no involvement. That day, I got on my knees and I wept and I mourned and I felt a very heavy weight for several days. Then I felt it lift. I can only tell you that whatever the purpose was....it was my honor to go through it. But more than anything now.....I just know that this is true.....the we should and we can mourn for and with those who mourn. We can carry burdens that are not our own. We can lighten the load of another....and they might never ever even know. They don't have to know. This is between you and God. But I believe that person who's grief you share, will have a lighter burden...I believe this.
Lately I am depressed. I know that I know that I know that my spirit could use a lift and I have a prescription for Zoloft that I have had since Shawn was 5 months old and I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I have plenty of those little blue pills, and I have a refill available, and my doctor would give me more if I called and asked her. I'm not taking the meds because I know for me, right now, today, I am supposed to feel what I feel. I am not supposed to be numb or even uplifted in these moments. Have we any idea the heaviness of grief that Jesus carried for us before He was crucified. He carried it ALL.
I am supposed to feel sadness and grief for the lost souls in this world. I am supposed to feel outraged that children die and starve because they cannot afford a clean water source. I am supposed to grieve for the relationships that do not work out. I am supposed to feel upside down when I reach and try and fail. Our Lord Jesus has never felt numb. He feels all of our pain and He can fill it......too.
I had a great conversation with my dear bible study girlfriends this week and we talked about how everything we do is apparantly in an effort to stop the pain or avoid the pain altogether. Our coping mechanisms may all look different. Some people drink or use drugs. Some people try to cure their pain with relationships. Some people try to steal the things that might numb the pain. Some people kill their pain (with guns....yes). Some people eliminate their pain by eliminating themselves. Some people climb to the top where they think there is no pain. Some people try to outrun their pain. Some try to outsmart their pain.
The whole world's pain is a product of sin. And it s.u.c.k.s. For ourselves and for the ones we come into contact with, all we can really do is lean into the only healer ever made available to man. All we can do is trust that there is an eternity without pain and that if we believe that and if we serve God for that purpose.....that is our gift and our treasure, in Heaven with Him.
I am well. I am good. My heart is healthy and my faith is strong. I'm just learning that maybe I can and should carry more pain than that which belongs to me. I'm honored and I am heavy....but I carry this heaviness for the savior of my life, the Lord that I love. If this glorifies Jesus, I never want to be numb.
I am not going to proof read or edit this. It is what it is.
Monday, July 6, 2009
This one is excited about his new water-wing skillz..
And, who can resist an Asher burrito? Not me!
A precious bff gave me this....(awwwwwwwww)
This one has learned to climb on top of our dining table and pretend to be a centerpiece...but for this photo op....we just have to use our imaginations...
Bath splash time, sporting a well healed scar.....
And also sporting a lovey big brother...
This last photo requires an explanation.....
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I've been to the Dominican Republic and I have served some of the Haitian community there. I so deeply want for God to bless the DR and Haiti. He surely has and will surely continue to, in was that you nor I can appreciate. He has blessed these peoples with the commitment to press on. Man, do they ever press on! It is a sight to behold, and I cannot be more thankful that I have beheld such sight with my very own, spoiled rotten eyes.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Whadaya know? Things began to grow. Such is the case with seeds that are sown, nurtured and nourished.
A child of God is truly the same. A planted, nurtured and nourished seed, leaning toward the Son of Man, stretching out to reach His robe (power), longing to bloom into His likeness, and turning every direction to share His beauty.
I'm a dirty little project, but He continues to nurture me and always gives me what I need, when I need it.
....... here comes the Son ~ do do do do ~ here comes the Son and I say, it's all right..........
My retinas may have been slightly damaged in the making of this blog. I hope you appreciate the trouble I go through......and as always, thanks for reading!
Comments welcomed and appreciated!