Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Heart is Traveling A Lot These Days

I have been all over the place this week. Geographically, I have barely traveled a mile. I have mostly stayed home with my kids, monitoring sweet Shawn in his recovery from surgery. I went to (1) very important work related meeting with some of my Real Estate Peeps, and I went to (1) very important Jesus related Bible study with some of my very very very special sisters in Christ.

But in my heart and in my spirit, I have really traveled.

I can't be specific about where I have gone, because even in this moment, I'm not sure my desitination has been revealed. I feel like I am the racquet ball, in an enclosed court, and someone slammed me with full force up against one wall...and I'm now haphazzardly bouncing between all the unpredictible direction....but unlike the racquet ball that will eventually slow down and rest, I'm still bouncing at full momentum speed. What does all of this mean? I have NO idea! Except that I think I'm just trying to go beyond the walls (outside of the box), and instead, I'm trapped in the walls.

I have spent my week digging back into the scriptures that I abandoned for nearly a week while Shawn was in the hospital. My bible was with me in the hospital room. It was always laying out and close by. I had the best of intentions. It is a tragedy to me that I would fail to open the Word of God and allow it to pour over me and through me, especially during a difficult week....because there is always a message of Love and Hope in the Word of God, and I just failed to receive it. Maybe I was just taking control on my own. (Oops)


There is so much going on in the world, in our lives, all around us. It is a wonder that we aren't all on anti-depressants. Tornados all across America. Earthquakes and high death tolls in Italy. Pirate activity on the ocean waters, seemingly every week. Housing crisis. Bankruptcies and foreclosures. Death. Cancer. Divorce. WAR....did I forget to mention WAR because it has become so standard? North Korea missle testing. Alcoholism and porn are on the rise. And all the while....there are STILL children starving and dying in Africa (where my heart is)...and all over the world. This earth is in a shambles. It's a wreck. WHERE IS MY ZOLOFT?

The truth of all of this is that it is really no surprise. The Bible never indicates it is going to get better. Until Christ comes, there will be no world peace. There will be no end to suffering, crime, and pain. But He WILL come! And until then....this life is not a is a project and a process. We have to actively LOVE each other, SERVE each other, HELP others, and teach/share/testify/minister the word of God. We have to put others before ourselves. Jesus put every one of us before Himself. He stood before the Heavens and He agreed willingly to take the burden of ALL of our SINS. We say we would die for our children. Well, HE really did. He died so that we could live. He endured an extremely prolonged period of physical torture. He died the most gruesome death one could die....and He did it all so that we could have life, and eternity. That just blows my mind! When I committed my life to Him, He took up residency in my heart and He guides me. That, almost blows my mind even more. HE was raised up from the dead. AND, HE raises OUR lives, up from the dead, for a new chance at life, with Him. (HAPPY EASTER)

(Back to Traveling)

I would like to know where I am going to land. I would love to know what God has planned for me next (and my family). I would love to know my desitnation and go directly there. But something tells me ,that in my travels, He wants me to have a bigger story than just to say, I left...and I arrived. The detours and roadblocks are always the most interesting part of the story.


Sarah said...

I'm with you on the bouncing around thing. And the needing Zoloft thing. These are scary times, but I'm really not surprised.

Yes, let's bury ourselves in the Word and fall more in love with the one who loves us so much that he died for us.

Sarah said...

And another thing... I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for not picking up the Bible when you were so concerned for Shawn. That's why we study the Word at OTHER times, and hide it away in our hearts. That way, the faith and comfort we need is there when we need it the most. I'm sure that the truths you've been learning in the past weeks and months helped carry you through that difficult time.