Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Me & The Super Heros

I've discovered in the past few days that what I have is a wall. A very tall wall. A very tall, thick wall. A very tall, thick, reinforced wall. A very tall, thick, reinforced, sealed tight wall. Not even spiderman could climb it. Superman couldn't plow through it, even with all his might. My hubs....he ain't even no spiderman. He ain't no Superman. He's just a broken, bruised and battered human....like me. There are no super heros.

Over the years I have found natural ways to retreat and hide myself from the person who has been assigned to be my life partner, and me his. I am one "me" with him, while I am an entirely different "me" with just about everybody else.

How on earth am I supposed to be just one "me" all the time, with everybody, now? I've done an excellent job of hiding. I've hidden myself so well I'm lost. When I'm with him, anyway.

Relational dynamics are by far the most intricate, complex and intensely critical mysteries of the world. The miracles of technology, walking on the moon, and even child birth....seem to have nothing in the wow factor category that can top the powers that shape us as people, from birth. That might be a slight exxageration, but possibly not. Or not by far. I don't know. I'm only human.

My hubs didn't build that wall around me. I started building it when my Dad left. Every time he hurt my feelings, I stacked more bricks. Unfortunately, it was a lot of bricks, quick. Add a few dozen extra bricks and fresh mortar in about 97% of my dating relationships and about 30% of my friendships....and well folks, what you got there is a mighty solid wall. When you go and marry someone with no experience in dismantling bricks....you got yourself a challenge.

I have received, and fully believe in my restoration in Christ. I could not function if that were not so deeply true to me. And I know that if He could bless me to know that I am a product of Him and that I please Him, that He can break down this fortress barrier I have stacked between me and the hubs. I'm really praying it will come down, in the name of God.

Will you pray for me?

Thank you.

(God bless you A&TB for the $100 donation yesterday for the truck. It will be so!)


Elaine said...

Regarding you question....I already have been my dear!

Sarah said...

I'll pray that you and Jesus tear down that wall together.