Tuesday, July 1, 2008

when God gets wild and crazy

I wish I could tell you this story with a clean beginning, middle and end, but that is not possible. I don't know the beginning. I'm living in the "middle" and the end is not in sight.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster recently....in fact I'm even taking a mood enhancer today. It is just a season I must endure, probably and hopefully for some glory and honor to be given to God, but for now, it's just a season that I wish would lighten up on me a bit. I cannot even tell you everything here in this blog, because I would have to hurt some feelings to do that, and I'm not willing to do that.

The bad news is that there is some bad news. I need to get over it right. There are 4 people making me absolutely insane. One of them doesn't love me enough. One of them loves me too much. One of them is arrogant beyond words. And one of them just hurts me without really knowing it. I feel like everywhere I turn, I'm asking for someone to just wreck me in some way. The good news amidst the bad news is that I know that I can learn something. I know that all of these relational matters can improve and I know that when I'm surrounded by things that feel dark and depressing, that I can find my peace in my Father God who created me and that he will be my provision where mere humans fail. I know this. But it doesn't mean that life is a beach and that pain does not exist. I suppose pain will always exist.

Add to this a new friend in my mix who has come to mean so much in such a short period of time. From some angles, you'd think this person has it all....and in some regards, she does. But at the same time, she knows first hand that nothing lasts forever and that people we love will leave. They'll either pack up and move, walk away, or they will die. And unfortunately, she has endured a few too many of these good-byes recently and with some more on the horizon. I've seen her searching for a God that she can trust and I've wanted to help her see Him. Her own ailment has been added to the equation and I have been tormented. (God, how can I help her see you? Will you please give me the words?) God made me brave. He made me say things to her that I didn't want to say. I wasn't alone, (not even by a longshot) as He empowered many people to be on His team for her. I love the way he works. Today she got word from her doctor that her big scary disease might not be so big and might not be so scary after all. He even asked if she has had a prayer team on her behalf. What is amazing to me is that she has had a prayer team, but they didn't know about this. They were praying for her salvation, not for her physical healing. What if God used her physical deterioration to get her attention and used the warriors to get her saved? And what if He is healing her now, just because He knows she'll rock the world for Him? You know what.....I'm speechless. I'm in awe that I could even see only a tiny part of it. And now I am rejoicing that I get to be "stuck" with her.

Ok, so I've been posting all these videos for the past week, probably really just masking that I'm not currently at my best. I am so in prayer and in my bible, studying and trusting and loving God. I am leaning on Him. It's just a season. I'm pretty darn sure God has a plan and that I'll see it in my rearview in due time.


Melissa said...

Twin Melissa---you have such a beautiful outlook. I was encouraged just reading this. My approach tends to be a bit more negative and woeful. I hope things start looking up, but I hope even more that you find out what God has for you through this.

pollyh said...

Girl, What can I say you haven't already said to me. You have been placed in my life when I've lost it all. When I didn't know where my support would be, you are there. You've cried with me, laughed with and at me, looked at a bizillion houses with me, talked me out of a dozen more, and you've loved me. When I thought that even Nashville was going to hurt today, you were there. And as I go through drugs, tests, fears, and more, I know you will be holding my hand because you are my friend. I love you and thank God for giving me you! And you know, we will get through all of our "mess" together because that's what we do! :=) P.S. You owe me Loveless Cafe!

Lori K said...

Melissa, you have such an amazing heart and sweet spirit. We can all learn something from you.

In this time of wild and craziness, I pray for God to reveal His plan for you and for your strength in handling these individuals who are complicating your life!