Monday, July 5, 2010


Whoa - when I wrote the last post "Introducing Justin".....I did so for a couple of reasons, I suppose. I wasn't really consciously aware of any reasons at all at the time. I was internally purging my guilt and shame for my judgements against Justin. I literally wept through writing that post. In fact, I cried so hard that it gave me a disgusting headache and I was worthless the rest of the day. My head hurt so badly that it made me nauseous. But, I deserved that.

My blog is like a journal to me. It is the place where I feel free to write whatever I want, whatever I am thinking. It is the place where I am free to be me. As it should be. I like to live somewhat exposed. It keeps me real, and there is nothing I want more than to be real.

My blog got nearly 1,000 hits that day, thanks to a tweet I am assuming. I did not mean to have attention drawn to myself, but I'm thankful for the encouragement I received for being honest. Justin sent me an email apologizing that he wasn't who I had thought he was, back then. And you know....he never owed me that apology.

What I learned about myself especially since the Bellevue campus of our church that I didn't realize how unforgiving I was being toward people who never owed me an apology in the first place. I have practiced the forgiveness of friends and loved ones....and for a long time have been free from the pain of grudge holding. I believe I can honestly say that I have forgiven every wrong, every pain, and every betrayal against me personally. I enjoy many healed relationships, etc. I just didn't know that I was even holding judgement against others. And wow, what an ugly look on myself. Blech! What an ugly look on any Christian.

So...anyway....thanks for all of you who left sweet comments, who sent me sweet emails, and who tweeted sweet tweets. And thanks to Justin and Trisha who embraced my post.

I am currently touring the great state of TX with some of my fam. We are having a great time with more fun yet to come. Happy Birthday America! God Bless the whole world.


Sarah said...

Where are you? Anywhere near Dallas/Fort Worth? Maybe we could meet!

Melissa Irwin said...

@Sarah - oh my Heavens.....dang....I did go through Ft. Worth but we are in Austin now and then heading to Houston. I would have loved to have met you and I'm kicking myself. We might be back to Ft. Worth in November...for Thanksgiving.

Shoot! I'm seriously irritated with myself for not remembering that you were in the region. I am so sad.

Melissa said...

Just like you couldn't see Justin being part of God's plan a few years back...I'm not sure you see how your example of grace (and even the authenticity you show in holding on to wrong thinking,realizing it, and then handling it in a Christ-like way) is being extended to others in a similar situation. You lead by example----and lucky for us, your example is Jesus.

Sarah said...

Well, I'm glad you are enjoying Texas. Next time you'll have to look me up!