Saturday, September 20, 2008

Words

I have had upmteen missed blog post opportunities over the past week or so. My heart has been heavy and my mind has been too busy to sleep. At times over the past few weeks I have felt like I am suffocating. I could blog, or I could not. I guess I chose "not". I'm sorry, and I'm not.

***

Business has been rough. I have two closings next week, but both of them have been plagued in a sense with negative factors. I have worked long and hard. I have had to deliver bad news. In one case, I have even been driven to argue, which is not my preferred method of managing a transaction. Due to the economy mostly, I am seeing people freak out and behave in ways that probably aren't typical. It is upsetting to everybody. When all is said and done next week, both sets of my clients will be better off, and will be happy, but it has been so difficult.

***

To combat the negative economic forces, we in our family are making some changes. In my opinion for my situation, these are huge changes and they carry with them some fear and a little grief. To start.....you might remember me posting a blog not long ago about the little economy rental car that I had to drive for 5 weeks while my big handsome luxury vehicle was being repaired. Well, I did it. I traded away my large leather interior, with 6 CD's, dual climate control, 6 cylinder all-wheel-drive and more, for a small 4-cylinder, simple, car. The idea is not only to save on gas, but just to move toward a more simplistic lifestyle in general. I desire the simplicity for 2 reasons. #1 is most definitely because I know I have always had a material mind because I have almost never had material luxuries....and I was in the overcrowded rat race. At this point in my life, my heart wants whatever God wants for me, and I believe with all my heart that He wants simplicity for me. I have certainly endured some pain over this. But the truth of the bottom line is that there is no material possession that can possibly bring happiness into my life. Not one. Knowing this is a freedom that I never thought I would feel. Not caring about wealth and not caring about possessions is like having cuffs removed. I'm not chained, and I love it. My heart belongs to Jesus. His desire is for me to be in this world, but not of this world...that I will serve for Him. I cannot do that if I am concerned about what I drive and where I live. Today I drive a humble, simple, solid car. #2 is to instill a sense of peace in my younger children as they grow up that we are not living this life to compete for stuff. Relationships matter far more than any bank accounts and service to others matters far more than focusing on what the world can do for "me". I hope we are starting to set a good example for them.
The second change we are making is with our home. We are going to sell our home and find or build something smaller and less expensive. I'm full on board with the motto that "less is more". We're not there yet, but I highly anticipate the feeling of renewal and cleanliness in my soul when we have accomplished this, by the grace of God.

***

Two matieral things I have treasured the most broke at the same time. First my car and then my beautiful diamond ring (the band broke). Both have taken over a month to repair, and in that time, I have learned that not only can I live without both, but that I should. I'll get my ring back next week. I want to sell it. God has an amazing gift for convicting me.

***

I had to drive a lot this week. I'm blessed to live in such a beautiful area, that no matter where I go...when I leave and when I return, my eyes get to see such beauty in trees, flowers, sky, birds, hills, bluffs and rivers. God's gorgeous creation is all around me. One day this week I drove down a road that was framed in trees that hung above the street at touched at the top like a canopy. I felt the presence of Jesus in the trees. He was sitting in the branches eating fruit and singing worship songs and He engaged with me. He wanted me to know and wants you to know that there is peace. Maybe we need to explore nature more to feel it. Maybe we need to sit still and feel the breeze. Maybe we need to elevate love to the top of our priority list. Jesus reminded me in that moment that Heaven will offer us far more than this world ever could. I'm content to live here to glorify Him, and then enjoy Heaven to the fullest.

***

Do you have a friend that brings you constant heartache? Get rid of her or him. You can love and forgive and still distance yourself from the center of pain. Don't compromise who you are or who you can be because you feel the need to please someone else who serves themself. Escape. There is peace.

***

It is scary when there is no gasoline, and when the market crashes, and when hurricanes destroy and when politicians make promises.

***

I have started about 10 projects in my house over the past couple of months and finished all but one. That one will get finished this weekend.

***

I have cursed a lot the past couple of weeks. I'm sorry.

***

My mom, my husband and my 3 sons were all sitting at my dinner table last night. That is happiness.

***

I have a friend and business associate who has breast cancer. Praying for her hurts.

***

I love my friends. My real friends. I wasted a lot of years misunderstanding friendships, being abused, and making more than my fair share of mistakes. My current account of friendships has me rich beyond measure.

***

Come back soon to see the most precious video of Asher singing a wonderful song. I'll post it this week.

***

Love

2 comments:

DEb said...

MELISSA...

I AM SO THERE W/YOU!! I want what GOD wants... nothing more. The "things" I have bring me happy faces but if they were to leave tomorrow, I'd still have my happy face - because I have GOD!! NOTHING (and I say that loudly) beats HIM. I love that! I love that he's shown me to be happy in HIM... and when I read your blog I felt like "SHE'S GOT IT TOO!!!!".. so I'm very happy for you. I would love to downsize EVERYTHING...and maybe, one day I will... I pray that God would lay that on my husband's heart too... I believe I could live in a trailor w/my horse outside my window!ahhahhaaha.. I love ya girl!!!

brandiandboys said...

LOVED this post... thanks for the challenge and for making me think!