Nevermind About the Vomitting

I received an email yesterday from one of my dear friends that had numerous funny comics, quotes, etc. I read them all. For whatever reason, this one struck me as hilarious and I can't stop laughing about it.

It's a good thing I had something so humerous stuck in my head, considering Shawn vomitted for 12 hours straight last night. When I felt at my wits end and near suicidie (...oh, i exaggerate)....I would just think about this funny....

"I did not hit you. I just high-fived your face."

Oh Lordy me....I'm still laughing.

ha ha

ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha

HA!

Big Picture Little Picture

I woke up early this morning and took a shower while the rest of my house remained dark and silent. Joe had already left for work, and all 3 of my sons were upstairs tucked away in their comfy beds, resting snug. The 2 little ones have sweet pajama sets and they went to bed with clean booties and clean feet. They went to sleep with clean hair and full bellies. They were tucked in with loving arms and prayed over. My oldest showed up after dark and did whatever he did while the rest of us slept. But he too, fell asleep in a loving home, where he is always welcome. When I wake up each day, they are my Big Picture. Because, in a sense, they are my whole world.

As I approach my second trip to Zimbabwe where I will reconnect with most of the same children I connected with last year, my picture starts to shift. I stand in the shower and massage my scalp with suds from a beautiful smelling shampoo. I cleanse my face and pray that it might start looking younger. I maneuver around the tufts of fat around my gut as I lean and reach to shave stubbly hair from my legs. With every stroke and movement of what amounts more to vanity than it does to hygeine, I shave and I see that I am one body, in one house, in one subdivision, in one community, in one city, in one state, in one country on one continent. I am one teeny tiny fragment of a spirit in this world. This world is so big. And for whatever reason, I think my family is the Big Picture.

It so isn't.

I'm probably about to start freaking out as I prepare to go to Zimbabwe. Why? Because I am forced in both exciting and uncomfortable ways to accept (again) that this life I am living isn't about me. It isn't even about my children and my other very treasured relationships. It is mostly about being willing to go where God is leading me, in trusting that He has a reason, and that I may never even fully know what that reason is.

It is about His big picture.

His big picture includes every peoples and every nation. His big picture is to complete every work that He has started to achieve precisely the purpose He intends. I believe that at the core of it all, is for people to know who He is, that He loves them, and that we're really all orphans, up for adoption, and He's busy doing all the Heavenly paperwork....to become our Father, forever. I can share this on my blog. I can share it on Facebook. I can share it with my neighbors and weird drugged out girls in the grocery store (true story). But for some reason.... (I don't need to know)....He is making it possible for me to go to the ends of the earth where food and water are scarce, HIV is abundant, hope is fading and love is thin...... and I get to beam with light and joy for all that He is willing to do for them. Not me, them. I get to share His light in some of the darkest parts of the world. And for the moments that He does, I am just pretty overwhelmed that He allows me to have some glimpses of His big picture. And oh how different it looks from mine. I cannot believe He does this for me. I am so flawed, so unworthy, and so small and faint....but He sends me anyway. I cannot beleive He trusts me with His word and His love...to spread it around. WOW....people, WOW.........HOLY WOW!

So, my kids are my big picture, because in a sense, they are my whole world. HIS kids are HIS big picture, because the WHOLE WORLD is HIS. We're all invited. Period. My prayer is that we could all look through His lens with His intensity to see His big picture. We might start doing life differently, everyday. Not that our lenses aren't important....just that they are only small snapshots.

Zoom out.

See more.

It's really big out there, and God cares about every square centimeter.

Oh Jesus, I want to curl up in your lap and look at all of your photo albums with you. I want to see your shutterfly photo projects. I want to see what you care about, through your lens, in full focus. I want to hear the stories of all the ways you love your children, whom you've fully adopted into your heart and spirit. I want to see the scenes that make you weep and the moments that utterly crack you up. And I want to be in your photo album, too. I love you, Lord. Thank you for the big picture.

Amen

I'll Go First

Today was our family flu shot day. Asher is almost 5, and he can vividly recall the past 2 flu shots. For the record, he hasn't cried during his shots in the past 3 seasons.

Last year, we talked about getting the shots for about a week before we actually went to get them. I didn't want to scare Asher, but I also didn't want to just spring it on him. I spoke of it all very light-heartedly. We discussed how we would all be there to support one another, and that it should protect us from getting sick over the winter. Other than Shawn not loving it last year, it went superbly. Asher was brave, and he got to watch us get our shots too...and that we were brave. It was great.

So great in fact...that this year, Asher wanted to go first. Would you believe me if I told you that I mentioned flu shots to Asher a few days ago and he actually got *excited*. He has been raring to go. Today was the day. He was ready. And yes, he went first. He didn't even wait to be lifted up onto the table, but instead, he climbed onto a chair and then hoisted himself up onto the exam table. Seriously.....ready. The nurse was lovely and she spoke to Asher with such calm and sweetness. As she spoke to him, he watched her prepare the needle, etc. He never made a sound, but I could see the veins moving in his forehead and his color turn red and then white and then red again. He did not want to break down, but he was really getting concerned. I asked him to look at me, but he continued to look at his leg where the nurse prepped the area and then watched the stab. He never cracked, but he wanted to. And he was SO relieved when it was over.

Shawn cried.

Joe and I were champs.

It amazes me to watch who Asher Tate is becoming. I beleive that there is a calm and strong bravery in him that is just one of the many gifts God will give him. It blesses my heart so much to see him draw from past experiences, both good and bad. He doesn't forget that the flat iron is hot, or that the flu shots aren't so bad after all. I am so deeply thankful that he accepts assistance when he knows that he needs help, but that he isn't afraid to try on his own, first.

Oh the prayers......I want so much for the prayers that we say at night or in the middle of the day, to stick with him....to be an example of how easy it is to talk to God and to go to Him for anything.....and to just be grateful.

My sweet Asher doesn't understand today that at some point in his adulthood....he might be the one taking care of Shawn. He might have to brave the storms that come with caring for a special-needs adult. He doesn't know today that maybe one day he'll have to be an advocate and a fighter. In some ways I feel really bad that all of this could possibly fall on him. But Shawn.....oh mercy........that he'll have Asher on his side. That is a thought I can rest on.

What if, when they are 40 and 42 years old, Asher takes Shawn out to get flu shots. I bet I know who's going first.

Remember this post about when Asher protected Shawn?

Sweet Jesus, thank you for these incredible boys and the blessed relationship you have designed for them. We thank you for every moment! Praise be to your sweetest name!

Hi Y'all

Wow....visitors? Thanks Lynnette!

Sadly, my blog is in a bit of a funk lately....so I'm linking you to some of my favorite posts from the past few months. Enjoy. Stick around. And please, leave me a link back to you so I can visit you too.

I have 3 sons. My oldest is in college. My middle is deliciously 4. My youngest has Down syndrome, and totally rocks the house. I love Jesus (it's true!). My blog is a mess. Enjoy!

My Fall From Cool

Lean.Stretch.Rotate.Grow

The Turtle In My Rearview

Dear Shawn

My Boobies

life.must.be.good. (uh oh...2 posts in one day!)

I just made scones. My first ever. From "The Joy of Baking" which I googled. These scones had chocolate chips, and homemade buttermilk in them. Yep....I made the buttermilk too....sorta. It's a cheat trick, by just adding 1 tablespoon of cider vinegar to a cup of milk, and set for 10 minutes......voila! Buttermilk!

I must say......OMG these things are freaking awesome!

Last night I made homemade spaghetti. I love how Asher calls it "pasketti". I'm getting ready for my new gig of being primary cook for the family when Joe starts his new position in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking I might like it.

I also think a crock pot is in our future.

Yee Haw!

I also thoroughly cleaned the master bedroom and bathroom today. Feeling quite accomplished I must say. However, the rest of the house is a disaster. But I can still smell homemade scones.

Life must be good.

Joe and the boys just left to go to church. I'm staying back.....why? Because I didn't shower today and it's raining and I'm being a wimp and I did a few hours of bible study earlier, and well.... I'm stuffed. Asher put on a new shirt....it's a long sleeved shirt that looks like a short sleeve shirt over a long sleeved shirt. The sleeves are small orange and white striped, while the primary part of the shirt is brown with a green dinosaur. He hugged me because he loves his shirt and told me that I'm the best momma that anyone could ever have their whole life.

Life must be good.

Shawn has perfected the art of a good, solid hug. He approaches me while I am on the floor or in a squated position. He turns his head to the side and stretches both arms way out....left and right. He wraps them around me but his little hands just barely go around my arms. I feel his fingers squeeze the backs of my upper arms. It is the best hug I have ever had, my whole life. I wish you could see it.

Life must be good.

For Me?

Imagine for a moment, either a movie clip, or draw from your own experience.....a moment where you have offered something to someone, and they tilt their head sideways, give you that crinkled up expression with a look of humility and relief and state as a question..."you would do t.h.a.t., for ME?"

Shawn just gave me that precious look. All I offered him was breakfast, which ironically, I offer him everyday.

Lawdy, this boy is delicious!

Praise Anyway

So, last week I shared my overwhelming sense of anxiety relating to financial stress.

This week is different. I'm over the anxiety and settling into the praise. Sure, I hate that it took me several days..... but that darkness has been lifted. And I am so thankful.

I paid off 2 bills in their entirety! And I paid a considerable chunk toward a 3rd bill. One of my favorite things to do was this morning, when I wrote a charitable donation to my favorite radio station, WAY-FM....a Christian radio station that survives on donations only. My other favorite was booking my flights yesterday, to Zimbabwe in November. I received exactly $1,600 in donations for my mission trip, and I am trusting God to provide the rest (through Joe and myself). But bottom line, my flights are booked and paid for. This is a precious, wonderful, exciting, blessing!

Truth be told, I have 3 more bills that are not paid off. So....we are not out of the clear. But I can see the light ahead. I have more real estate closings scheduled. It could happen. It could really and truly happen......and I am believing God for that. Not because I deserve it......because I absolutely do not. But if this past excruciating 20 months or so of near financial disaster was supposed to teach me anything.....it has. I believe with ALL of my heart that God does not allow us to go through troubled times without a purpose in His design. The Bible makes many explanations about suffering (of all kinds) to be a tool to develop perseverance and maturity in us. "Trouble" with a capital T is abundant in life. Troubles are everywhere, around every corner. Not much is easy. I want so much to be like the apostle Paul.... in the New Testament he expresses so much love and purpose and joy for Jesus. In 2 Corinthians 7:4 he says "in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds". That's the life I want to live, not for me, but for Jesus. And for anyone watching me.....joy is contagious. I don't want it to merely hover over me....I want it spreading and sticking on everyone I meet. Man....wouldn't that be an awesome reward if at the gates of Heaven, the Lord would say..."Melissa, I love the way you tried to give away all the joy I gave you so others could feel it.". Oh Lord....if that could only be true.

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Changing Subject Here

* Asher loves school so much that he cries when I pick him up.

* Shawn is talking more everyday....literally. It is beautiful. I am SO proud of all of the hurdles he is working so hard to get over. My little buddy is making such progress.

* Joe got a promotion at work. I wish this meant his paychecks would be getting ginormous, but it doesn't. However, he is being promoted to Executive Chef/General Manager of the "employee only" restaurant in the hotel where he works. They serve about 2,000 meals a day. This is going to be a GREAT opportunity for Joe. His hours and days off will change, but he'll still be home by dinner time and so he will get to see the kids every night!

* Per previous update, I guess I'll have to start cooking dinner more often.... I'm embracing this new gig with excitement. I have been SO spoiled for the last 3 1/2 years of Joe cooking most dinners. I hope I can handle it. Oh Jesus.... I might need some help.

* Zimbabwe 11/7 - 11/21

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Love