Mouthfull

Sorry to post 2 times today.....just necessary.

(FACES)
Last night I went to church, as usual for Sunday nights. I usually serve on the greeting team every Sunday but have scaled back to every other Sunday for a while, mostly so that I can enjoy the worship music. Last night, we had communion. I have only ever helped serve communion one other time, and that time, for some reason, we passed the elements down the aisles/pews. That time, it was a task, a process, a motion. Nothing spectacular. Last night was quite different. Instead of passing the elements, we stood at the front, while the people in the congregation stood and walked up to take the bread and the wine. I was holding a plate of the bread wafers. Probably 100 people took a wafer from my tray. Many of them looked me in the eyes, while some did not. It didn't matter. All I saw were faces. Faces, faces, faces. The faces of God. As I stood there, I was choking back tears. I loved every face. Some of those faces were of young 20-somethings with piercings and tattoos. Some faces were distinguished and proper. Some were sweet and tender. Beauty, beauty and more beauty. I had to fight back the urge to tell each person "I love you" as they took a wafer. Wow, can you imagine how Christ feels when He watches us remember him, and take part in His communion? If little ole me was moved to tears and bursts of love, could we even being to imagine His joy? I was so honored to hold that tray last night. I was so honored to be there and to be on that end of the communion line. What a joy to see His face in so many people.


(SPACES)
I went to a funeral today. An amazing woman with a true, genuine, authentic heart for Christ passed on to begin her eternity, outside of our realm. Her body no longer occupies space here on this earth, but her spirit remains and her legacy lives. I didn't know her well enough to tell her story, but I can tell you this. Her name was Melissa Schuler. She was 46. She died of aggressive cancer, and leaves behind her 19 year old son, Thomas, and her husband of 5 years, Lance. From the time she was diagnosed, a little over a year ago, I never saw her do anything but serve. She could have spent her last year being selfish, but she spent it being self-less. She was unbelievable.

Even though we all know what death is, something about it is incredibly wild to try and intellectualize. I have some great friends that I haven't seen in a long time...Tracy in Austin...haven't seen in probably 5 years....but she occupies space, somewhere in TX. She is matter. She is tangible and real. She takes up space, at all times. I haven't seen my dad in 2 years, but likewise, he takes up space. He exists. There are people I have never met, that have impacted me (authors, bloggers, newsmakers)....people I've never seen with my own eyes, but I know they are matter and they occupy a space. Death elminates our space. It's like.....poof. I don't know a smart way to say it, so I'll repeat......"poof". It ends people. It really does. Maybe today, maybe in 60 more years, but it ends here on this earth......and then we either take up residence with the one and only God of the Universe, or not. These living, breathing moments that we occupy space need to matter.

Do you occupy meaningful space or wasted space? (don't answer that, its rhetorical...but THINK about it!)

Small Bites

My friend that some of you have lovingly encouraged, briefly wrote to tell me she is blown over. She is so thankful for your words. She promises to write more soon, and I'll share anything I can.

Several of you have called or emailed me about Shawn's heart. So far, we have not received the formal recommendation from the cardiologist. I am trying to get that this week. I promise to post an update....believe me, it is too much on my mind for me to forget! Thank you all for your prayers and your comments. They are dear to me and my family.

NEWSFLASH**** I applied for my passport this week! Yup. I've never had a passport. And guess what.....I am going on a Mission Trip to the Dominican Republic with my church in the spring, and hopefully again next summer, and hopefully at least 2 times per year from now on. I am so excited. I have done local missions, but have never left the comfort of my home, or left my children for an extended period of time. At some point in the future, I'll post about the mission, including the amount of $$ that I need to raise (hint hint).....so stay tuned!

A WHOLE HEART

Quick update on my last post about my friend. I emailed her all your beautiful comments today, and I will let you know her response when I get it. But mostly, I am overwhelmed by how personally blessed and touched I have been by your loving words of encouragement and hope. You are all so amazing and I feel the power of your words in my life, and I can see through you all that this life we live for Christ holds so much beauty, even in the face of trials and suffering. Joy can prevail! My heart if full!

In other matters of the heart.....my sweet Shawn had an echocardiogram and an EKG yesterday to determine that the hole in his heart has not closed on its own, so the cardiologist is recommending surgery to repair it. We still do not know some of the details, because we have choices. But either way, surgery is eminent. I will certainly post here when the surgery is schedule and the follow ups. It will most likely be September.

As for my heart, I will admit that if I think about it too literally, I do find myself getting upset and feeling anxious over the idea of one of my babies having surgery, especially open heart surgery. So I'm just trying not to think about it too much! I'll post more later when I have time to articulate more of how I feel, and the hidden blessings.

Love today!

Could you encourage my friend?

When I was pregnant with my children, I never opted for the screenings and tests to determine if there might be any abnormalities. Shawn was born with Down syndrome, and we didn't know until he was 1 day old. Never saw it coming! Not in a million years! Devastation and fear socked me in the gut and between the eyes.

Ironically, a friend of mine who lives several states away, was pregnant with her second child. Some concerns were noted during her ultrasounds, and so she opted for the testing, and it was determined that her child, a boy, had Trisomy 21 (aka Down syndrome). She knew his diagnosis when she was just barely 4 months pregnant. She was devastated. It is a long story to describe what they went through. I will try to tell you in the words she used to tell me................... she just didn't think she could do it. Her heart ached. We spent countless hours on the phone for weeks and months trying to work through their choices, and their ultimate choice.

Let me tell you what she didn't do. She did not have an abortion, even though she could have, and many women do. In fact, 95% of women who receive an in utero diagnosis of a baby with Ds, do abort. 95%. My friend, who loves Jesus and who loved that baby, contemplated but chose against abortion. She deeply wanted to WANT her son, but she was so afraid of him. Afraid of the life, the challenges, the fear of loss, the fear of her inadequacy. She thought she wasn't good enough. She and her husband painfully and laborously sought out an adoption family. I cannot even begin to describe the drama that ensued. Their families went nuts....they were outcast, attacked, lashed out against.....it was awful! The things she endured would have literally killed me. And then there was me........I was now the mother of a beautiful bundle with Ds, and I was encouraging my friend and supporting her in her unpopular decision. She couldn't believe, of all people, that I was the one accepting her. It didn't make sense, and maybe it doesn't make sense, but I just love her. And I love that baby that I never met.

Soon, Luke was born. He was premature, small and required to be in the NICU for 5 weeks. He had heart problems, medications, and on and on. My friend and her husband actually brought him home for a few weeks. They tried with all their hearts and for whatever reason, the task was too daunting, too painful, and just too much. They ached and prayed and begged and prayed and grieved and prayed and prayed and prayed. They suffered and were tormented. They gave Luke up for adoption. They personally chose a family that already had a few children with Ds, in the midwest. A large happy, loving, sweet and tender family who longed for another sweet baby with Down syndrome.

Luke is 1 year and 3 months now. His birth mother, my dear friend, is grieving and mourning today as if her wound is fresh, the cut is deep, and the infection has spread. She hurts. She hurts because she thinks she wasn't strong enough. She hurts because she wonders what kind of person she is for giving him away. Could you leave her words of love here? Could you tell her that she is amazing because she did not abort him, when that might have been the easier route that might have saved her reputation and spared her extended family? Could you encourage her and love her because she tried. Could you praise her and show her grace and love because she took the time to seek out a very tender and special family, instead of letting an agency take all of the reponsibility? Could you remind her that God has used her as part of His plan and that Luke is fulfilling a plan and purpose too? Could you lift her up and tell her how amazingly selfless she was for blessing another family with a sweet miracle from God?

She needs to know that I am not the only one who thinks she is sooooooooo cool and incredibly amazing!!! She does not read my blog. I will take your comments and email them to her separately. I purposely have not shared my blog with her because I do not want to rub my little Ds angel in her face. It would hurt her in this fragile state she is in.

Adoption is a beautiful, incredible and selfless decision, on both parts. So many people cannot have children, but long to be parents. Some people have the heart to rescue a child or children who have been abondoned or abused. Some people, like this family, specifically wanted another child with Ds because they have hearts for the Lord, and God himself, desgined them to LOVE, desire and long for another. Without my friend, their dream might never have been fulfilled.

Your comments will be cherished!

Rock'a'Noodle

I am always awake in the mornings when Asher wakes. Joe is usually at work (4am).
But I always pretend to be asleep when Asher comes to my bedroom...because it is fun to see how he is going to choose to wake me up. Lately one of his favorite methods is to get in my face and say "cockadoodledoo". Sometimes loud..and sometimes soft. Sometimes, I respond by saying "rock'a'noodle'loo" just to get a laugh out of him.

This morning I didn't wait for Asher. I just got up and got busy with my morning. When he woke up he came downstairs, climbed in my lap and said "mommy, i really wanted to crawl in bed with you this morning and say rock'a'noodle". Oh, what a cute and sweet boy.

Shawn still sleeps in the crib...but I eagerly anticipate the day he can get out of bed and come to wake me up with his own creative methods. That will be a sweet day indeed.

What makes your heart race?

Right now, numerous people from my church are over in the Dominican Rebublic on a mission trip. My pastor, Pete Wilson, has developed a great friendship with a Haitian pastor in the DR and for a few years now, Crosspoint Community Church (my church) has been dedicated to building a church in the DR and a feeding center, in one of its poorest areas, where most of these families actually live in a "hole" which is more polite than calling it a waste dump. I have not been there. Volunteers from our church go at least 2 times per year, but I think that might be increasing....rumors...you know how that goes? Currently, they are keeping a live blog and the few clips I have seen have really blown me away. They are in 100+ degree heat. They are working for extremely long hours, doing hard labor, with minimal resources (nothing high tech), and they have to eat the same things over and over. They sleep in concrete dorms on bunks with no a/c. It smells.



After they finish the hard labor portion of building the church structure, they will do VBS for the kids....the kids who are lucky to eat one meal a day. The kids who desperately need this feeding center. I have goose bumps as I type.....because about 20 feet from me right at this moment are 2 plump little boys who can eat all day long if they choose. And they have variety.....shall it be yogurt, cheese, meat, pasta, veggie, cupcake, milk, juice, or fresh cold water? Our home is a cool 72 degrees, with amenities like a washer/dryer, dishwasher, bathtubs, showers, clothes, toys, blankets, carpet, tv and computer.



This makes my heart race. I'm truly spoiled, as are my children. Do you ever feel like there is so little that you can do? It feels kinda hopeless.....especially when you can't write a fat check......but I want to dig in and get dirty for the benefit of other, less fortunate people. I want to serve hungry children.



What makes your heart race?

We're Going to Dollywood

Ok, since Nashville has done away with good'ole Opryland, looks like my family is heading out to Dollywood tomorrow, in Pigeon Forge, TN. I spoke with a customer service rep to make sure there really are plenty of things for my tiny tots today....and now I'm super excited. And what's more.....found out the kids get in free....and if we show up tomorrow after 3pm, then we get free tickets for the next day! Oh YES! And the rep also told me that if we'll go to McDonalds in Knox county first and buy a large drink, that Joe and I will save another $10 on our admission! I'm all about this! Yippee!

Hopefully we'll find a halfway decent comfy spot to sleep that isn't too expensive. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

When was the last time you were giddy over a family outing?