Monday, October 4, 2010

40 Years 1 Day

I never thought I would make it to 40, and I have no idea why that is. I have had an eerie feeling for a couple of decades that my life would be short. It still could be, but for whatever reason, 40 was the magic number for me. I have not lived in fear. I have still boarded airplanes and driven on the interstate. 2 or 3 summers ago I went parasailing. And while my eerie feeling hasn't stopped me from doing things that might be dangerous, the thoughts have hovered just around the perimeter of the active part of my imagination. Today I am free from that.

Maybe now you can know why I have had near panic attacks in Africa when boarding my planes to come home. The narrower the gap to "40" the more powerful my imagination. These past few weeks have been slightly stressful. I had not shared this with anyone. Not my hubs, not my best one. About 10 years ago, I did share this with my Aunt Brenda. She was very sick with cancer and we were talking about death, and in a weak moment I told her my eerie feeling. She has now been gone for 8 years.

So, today my feet are 40 years old and 1 day, as are my hands, my hair, my eyes, my teeth and my heart. Today isn't just the day after my birthday. Today is new life with no more eerie feelings. I am so thankful to be here. So thankful.

1 comment:

Elaine said...

Did I not tell you "you have only just begun"!...just a strong feeling when I was writing on the card!