It Isn't Rocket Science!

No, it isn't rocket science. It is brain surgery.

I've used the expression many times when I have tried to figure something out that should be simple..... "I should be able to do this, it isn't brain surgery". I guess we say that because brain surgery is far beyond most of our qualifications, whereas, we should be able to figure out how to play with a toy designed for a 3 year old.

This week, one of my dearest friends on the planet and her teenage son are not playing with toys. They are not trying to solve a puzzle or construct a model airplane. This week, Chris is having brain surgery.

5 years ago, the family was in a car accident at a new, awkard, unclear intersection. Christ was ejected from the vehicle, and in all honesty, the fact that he is alive is remarkable. Not only is he alive, but after months of therapy and rehab, Chris relearned how to walk and talk. This entire experience has been difficult and at times, heart-wrenching for the family. They have also celebrated many joys and accomplishments. On Tuesday night, Chris will graduate from high-school.

I can recall seeing Chris walk into church for the first time after he completed his rehab. That was before his momma was one of my best friends. I was overcome with tears and a brief session of sobbing. Since that time, his walk and his speech have so greatly improved....he is made of remarkable strength and determination. He has never given up on anything he has desired to do.

Chris' biggest challenge today is that he does not have control over the movement of his (left?) hand and arm. This makes even tying his shoes a challenge. For almost 2 years, the idea of having his brain stimulated in surgery to correct this problem has been denied. Finally, he will have his chance. The day after he graduates high-school, doctors will work diligently to repair what is not communicating properly between his brain and his left arm and hand. This could make the difference in his future career, and even whether or not he can live independently.....or rather, whether he can wear shoes with shoelaces.

If you are praying this week, please remember to say prayers for Chris and for the doctors God has gifted to perform his surgery. Please pray for such a blessed outcome that Chris will be able to hold his arm steady, and that he will desire to lift his hands to the Lord in praise. Please pray that Chris be aware of God's presence and the immeasurable span of God's love. There would be nothing better than a full recovery and all glory given to Chris' creator.

I will write an update about the success of Chris' surgery as soon as I know. Thank you for your prayers.

Sharing the Darkness

Hi. It's just little'ole me. How are you doing? Seriously, I'd love to know.

I'll be honest. I'm not doing so hot. I am struggling with the reality that I am overweight. I think the sadness I experienced in Zimbabwe, combined with the stress I surpressed over Shawn's surgery for 3 months prior, caused me to need to eat more. I have gained weight. I think I have stopped gaining by now, but I have not started losing. I'm trying to get started.

We are struggling in this economy. I am completely hating the financial aspect of all of this. We used to have savings. Now we don't. We owe more than we ever have before. And there is nothing else to cut back. It is unpleasant. I have a lot of real estate clients and so I am prayerful that things will turn around.

On top of these things, there is also this thing in my spirit that keeps telling me there is a change ahead for us. God is doing something. I don't know what. But I feel pretty confident that He is doing something that is going to rattle us and shake us up. I think we are going to be surprised, but not completely shocked. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm just feeling it, and have been for a few months now. I'd like to tell you I have more info than that, but I don't. Not yet.

The stress, anxiety and fear that I keep snatching back into my grips is not healthy. I know that I need to surrender it all, and I do work hard at this. I am actually trying less to be in control than you might think. I'm not making plans. I'm not trying to manipulate anything into going my way....because I don't even have a way and don't want a way. I feel like I do have a helmut on, and a life-jacket, ready for anything....but still dreading it. A helmut for the impact that might hurt. A life-jacket for the potential drowning. You know....none of that really sounds fun, but coming out the other side and looking back will be a blessing....no doubt.

Joe is awesome. He is really taking his relationship with Christ very seriously and He is serving in obedience, in ways that are new to him. What I love the most about this is that God brought Joe to this place of faith....not me. I haven't influenced him or made any suggestions....he is just doing it. That gives me hope. I need him to be a spiritual leader over me. I need for him to ralley around our little unit and lead us into God's will. I even need him to suffer.....not in a bad way.....but just in the way that lets me know that I am not carrying the burden alone in my heart and mind. Joe has always been so laid back and even. He wouldn't know a crisis if it smacked him upside the head. I think that is changing. A crisis to rock his world, that is ordained, appointed and allowed by God himself could literally be a priceless treasure to us this side of heaven.

I don't know where we are going or when we will get there. But I believe Jesus is already there, and He is waiting for us, leading the way, making it possible. I'll be so happy to know where that is, and can share it with everyone.

Until then, it is dark. It feels like a cave, with no light and no way out. But I know that isn't true. I do believe that the darkness is so necessary for the light to shine to its brightest capacity. I've seen it and lived it before. God is good.

My hearts desire to be authentic and transparent. If I don't share the depth of my darkness with you, then I'm not being obedient to that calling in my life. The Christian life is not about judging others, being critical, or gossip with a holier than thou attitude. The Christian life is about living the way Jesus did, and being constantly aware of His purpose, His glory, and this journey to Heaven, and all that we can bring along. It is also about obedience, of course.... dying to the sin in our lives and taking up the cross. I was never promised an easy life, financial security, or my own ability to make plans. But I was promised joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. And I have that.

The Village

Asher has quite an imagination. As I sit here typing, I can hear him upstairs in our bonus room making sound effects. Occasionally, I hear something drop, or clang, or bang, or crash. He is such a mess boy! He has had a fascination with trains since his "hello world" debut. It helps that we even have a train that comes through our community. We can hear it far off in the distance, just enough to get excited about it, but not so much that it disturbs us. We lift him high above the fence so he can see the top of the train on its journey to the station.

Asher has many toy trains and train tracks. He is constantly designing a track, and utilizing un-track-related toys to enhance his structure. It really blows my mind. I believe that he could have a future as a metropolitan tram-system plan designer. But then again, he could also have a promising future as a wall artist, or a brownie taste-tester. I can promise you he has no future as a back-up dancer. And he probably would not survive in an environment where he must be quiet and respectful of other people's space. sigh

Recently, Joe walked into the bonus room, expecting to find a new track design covering every inch of the floor. Instead, Asher had been hard at work constructing a village out of books. A massive village, with houses and stores and churches and schools and parks and playgrounds. When I was summoned upstairs to take a look, I literally lost my breath at the site.

I love that no matter what Asher does, he seems to be focusing on the big picture. He takes it all in and includes everyone. His imagination involves community and extends to the masses. I think he is such a cool kid. And not to mention, everything he builds, he says he built it for Shawn to tear it down. After all, Shawn is incredibly gifted at knocking things over and throwing the pieces across the room. Come to think of it, Shawn may have a bright future as a wrecking ball operator!

I am Momma

And I am beyond grateful. I had Spencer when I was a teenager, and he grew up with me. That experience was excruciating at times, when I would be faced with failure or fear, but without him in the perfect moment in time, I might not even be here. And that is the truth. I praise God that He made me be a mommy and that he allowed me to be a mommy, even at such a young age.

I have said it a thousand times and ya'll are tired of hearing it, but Asher and Shawn could not be more delicious. It is difficult to even type this because my heart is pounding so hard and my eyes are struggling to see around water welling up and glazing over my eyeballs. If I swallowed right now, the entire neighborhood would hear me. I am ecstatic to have my children. I have never deserved them. God has given me many second chances. My opportunities are Asher and Shawn. I know that they are not mine forever. They are on loan from our great Father. I can have them for as long as they are here and under my wing, or for as long as I am here. If I'm blessed in kingdom proportions, Shawn will grow old with me. However it goes down, on the last day of my life.......if I get to go out shouting, I will be shouting about Spencer, Asher, and Shawn.

I am Momma.

Happy Mother's Day to every incredible mother that I know. Hi Mom!

squish

I had an unusually glorious time killing numerous ants in my house this morning. And by numerous, I mean, hundreds. They were plotting and planning around the hearth of the fireplace, no doubt chased in by the monsoon we've been having over the past year weeks. There were too many and the task was overwhelming, so I did some plotting and planning of my own. I retrieved the pancake syrup from the pantry and poured 2 small puddles on the hearth. Soon, every ant in a 10 mile 3 foot radius was lapping it up. Squish.

I do not normally enjoy smooshing God's creatures.

I hope no one smooshes me.

What I Do Do

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone important, speaking intellectually, a mile a minute and then suddenly you start to tell that person what you do in a certain situation, and you start the explanation by saying, "What I do, do......" and it totally sounds like you're talking about "Doo Doo"?

I didn't do that, or anything....I was just wondering if you do do that. I would never do something that ridiculous. Of course not.

So anyways.... here are some things that I don't do:
~eat mayonaise
~get pedicures
~speed (much)
~exercise enough
~listen to my mother with both ears

Here are some things I do do:
~drink lots of coffee
~work really hard
~hug and kiss my sweet little boys so much that they think it is totally okay to hug and kiss other sweet little boys
~pray
~read my bible
~dream of going back to Africa to love on some orphans


And I promise...I'm trying to blog more. I might make this "do do" thing a weekly treat. Yeah....that sounds yummy!

"It's A Good Day For The Trees"

It is so dark and dreary outside now. With rain pouring down so hard on the car while I'm driving myself and the kids on a 20 mile trek back to our home, thunder and lightening leading the way....from the backseat of the car, the sweetest Asher Tate said, "Mommy, it's a good day for the trees."

What sweet words!

Asher could have said any number of negative things about the rain, how he wouldn't get to play outside, or how the thunder scares him, or even complain about how long it was taking us to drive home. But instead, his focus was on the positive...."it's a good day for the trees."

We're not alot unlike trees. We come in all different shapes, sizes and varieties. We're planted, often in places we have no choice about. We thirst for something nourishing and life giving. We crave the light of the sun and how it makes us feel. We are seeking a flock.....for us it is friends and family. For the tree, it's the birds of the air. We provide shelter for our children and our families. The tree provides shelter for squirrels, cats, people, and other critters.

And most of all, we all have those dry, treacherous days where we are just praying that the heavens will open up and pour out all over us...quench our thirst and drown us in nourishment.

Today, it is not just the tree that has been poured on. I have been poured on. I have been loved, fed, nourished, and I have been allowed to bloom and flourish. I am so grateful for the rain in my life when it comes. Momentarily, it seems dark and dreary, but quickly I am renewed.